There are few pleasures in life as sublime as bailing on a plan. Not that we all don’t enjoy spending time with our friends, but sometimes you need to put on a bathrobe, fire up Spotify, and putter around your apartment. Or just stare blankly at a wall.
 
Spending a little quality time with yourself is not selfish. It’s self-preservation. Unplugging is a survival tactic.
 
So the next time you’re feeling spiritually exhausted and want to disinvite yourself from bowling, feel free to use the below, prewritten texts. Just cut and paste them directly into your phone or preferred messaging system.
 
1. “Sup. Can’t come over, eating mangoes.”
What could possibly be more important than eating mangoes? We can think of anything.
 
2. “Hi. I have to bail 2 much Netflix 2 watch.”
The new season of Grey’s Anatomy just started and you can’t possibly be torn away from it to do something as trivial as socializing. Curl up with your weighted blanket. No shame here.
 
3. “It’s not you. It’s me. Me needs some alone time.”
No one can blame you. These days, technology allows us to instantly connect with those around us. You can live vicariously through Instagram later.
 
4. “Really thought it was Tuesday, not Friday. Therefore, I will not be in attendance.”
Who goes out on the weekdays? Not you.
 
5. “So sorry to bail, I have to take my iguana to the vet.”
Oh, you don’t have an iguana? No one needs to know that.
 
6. “Turns out I have a Great Aunt Carol. She’s in town today only.”
You can’t let poor, fictional, Great Aunt Carol explore around town all by herself.
 
7. “Hey. Sorry, need a raincheck because life.”
Life happens. If you’ve had a bad day, feel like you need a bit of a break, or just need some alone time, this excuse covers all the bases.
 
8. “Currently exploring the possibility of life on Mars. Will definitely take a few hours to process.”
The most outlandish of the bow out options. It’s tough to argue with this one.
 
However you bail, don’t forget to bail responsibly. We can all be flakes without being rude. Then kick back and relax. The pressure is off. Live your best pantless life.